As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
