Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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