3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I AM VODKA MAN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
