Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
