why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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