Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
