just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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