You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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