someone owes me an orgasm
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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