My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
