This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
