see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
