Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
