he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
