Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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