JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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