she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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