After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
