DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
