the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
