you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
