strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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