I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
