well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
