I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
