If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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