One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
