??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
