I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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