just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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