Kiss
Puke
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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