no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
