I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
