the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
