i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
