My balls are so social today.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
