Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
