she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
