pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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