he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
