Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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