We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
