I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
