Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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