I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
