I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
