We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
