Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
