i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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