I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
