you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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