You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
