Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
