You're so nebulous sometimes
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
