Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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