She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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