I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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