shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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