Just fell off a train. Bad.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
