Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
