Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
