Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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