Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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