Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
