I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
