grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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