4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
